The League: Top Ten Video

We're back with a vengeance, a triumphant return to The League of Extraordinary Bloggers, after months of radio silence. It must be a pretty interesting topic this week to pull me out of my contributing retirement, right? Well, we've been asked to tackle our Top 10... whatever we want, actually.

Normally, I'm not a fan of ranking things. Hardly a sucker for compiling Top Five Rock Albums or a grocery list of my favorite C-list celebrities. The problem is that I have a difficult time coming up with a definitive Top However Many, what with my constant shifts in mood or tastes. Something could be in my Top Three one day, and quickly be replaced by something else the next. There's just too much stuff that I enjoy to really, truly nail down a definite commitment.

So, uh, here's my Top 10 Videos That I Currently Own [in no particular order], I guess.

1. Godzilla vs. Megalon (1973).

  -- This is the oldest tape in my collection, the very first VHS that I could really call my own. I remember my grandmother actually giving in to my youthful pleading at a local outlet, and picking this up for me. I love the generic box-art, which perfectly embodies the cheapness of this release from Viking Entertainment, which is a company I know very little about. Apparently, aside from low-budget, bootleg monster movies, they also released a lot of Veggie Tales tapes? Eh.

2. Fist of the North Star (1986).

  -- I went through a brief anime phase during the early '90s, back when The Sci-Fi Channel used to air "Saturday Anime", showing films like Akira (1988), Dominion Tank Police (1988) and Demon City Shinjuku (1988). All the stuff that was sure to warp my young mind. These days, well, I'm not as big a fan. Every now and then, though, I like to pay tribute to those early days of bizarre, hyper-violent animated features. This is my absolute favorite of the half-dozen titles I own, mostly because of the adorable "Not For Kids" sticker plastered on the front.

3. Troll 2 (1990).

  --  Is it embarrassing to admit that this film actually terrified me when I was a kid? Probably, but that's okay. It hasn't prevented me from embracing it as the true "cult-classic" that it's become over the last several years. This particular copy once belonged to my friend's aunt, who briefly owned and operated an entire store based around Norfin Troll dolls during the resurgence boom of the '90s.

4. Freaked (1993).

  -- They really don't make films like this anymore. Actually, I'm not sure that there's ever been another film quite like Alex Winter's grotesque and absurd comedy, Freaked. An all-star cast of Z-grade celebrities, featuring the likes of Mr. T and Bobcat Goldthwait, some of most hilarious and inventive practical effects of the era, and a wonderfully dated '90s soundtrack. A staple of my early teens, and a flick I could still watch a million times over. I hadn't seen it in years before stumbling upon this copy at my local thrift shop.

5. Gremlins 2: The New Batch (1990).

  -- One of, if not, my all-time favorite movie. I had originally taped this off HBO back when it premiered, and have since purchased it on DVD and blu-ray, but I absolutely adore this VHS-copy. This was found at the same shop as Freaked, a fantastic find, and I was doubly excited to discover that this was still sealed. I have no intention of ever opening it.

6. The Punisher (1989).

  -- I've only ever seen bits and pieces of this early comic-adaptation featuring Dolph Lundgren. Something I have regretted for years, hoping to finally settle in and watch it in full. It only seems appropriate to view the film as God intended; on glorious, low-fi magnetic tape. It's been sitting in my "to-watch" pile for way too long now. Maybe it'd be best if I stopped with this stupid list and watched the original cinematic Frank Castle kick some ass instead.

7. Batman (1989).

  --  I feel like I've written about the Bat-mania of '89 and beyond far too often. This movie was everything to me for those couple years, an obsession that's rarely been matched in the two-decades plus since. And because of my nostalgic love for Burton's classic tale of clown and bat at odds, well, I've probably owned nearly a half dozen copies of this on VHS. I went through a bad period of picking up every single one I came across, which was both costly and space-consuming. This guy here is the Highlander of my collection; there could be only one. Or something.

8. Ninja III: The Domination (1984).

  -- An aerobics instructor possessed by the vengeful spirit of a ninja-master. V8 seduction scenes. Haunted arcade games. Golf course massacres. This ridiculous film has all that and so much more. Sure, I already owned Shout Factory's blu-ray release when the opportunity to pick up this "big-box" VHS came along. But I was lucky enough to grab this from Dan Kinem of VHShitfest, one of the brilliant minds behind the VHS-documentary, Adjust Your Tracking. There was no way that I could resist.

9. Suburban Commando (1991).

  --  Goddamn, I used to rent this one all the time as a pre-teen. Combining my love for professional wrestling with an adoration for everything Christopher Lloyd, there was nothing better at the time. Again, embarrassing confession time, but this has been a tape that I've been dying to get my hands on for quite some time now. I found it buried in a bin full of loose and dirty Hasbro WWF action figures this past weekend. The seller was more than happy to give it to me for free with my large purchase of wrestling toys [which you might see a glimpse of sometime in the future].

10. TMNT: The Making of The Coming Out of Their Shells Tour (1990).

  -- Remember when the Ninja Turtles started their own KISS-esque, arena-rock band? If you're like me, you probably wish you didn't. This beat-up and unloved tape found its way into my grubby paws earlier today, thanks to an extremely generous, and totally VHS-filled, package from Brian of Awake Oh Sleeper. Of the several tapes he's sent me, this is the one that I adore most. My own childhood copy is long-gone, so I'm ecstatic to add a "new" one to my collection. I'm not sure I'll attempt a re-watch anytime soon, but it warms my heart to know that if the urge ever strikes me to, I can.

Bossanova.

Meanwhile, you can check out the rest of The League's Top Tens...

Speaking of Brian and Awake Oh Sleeper, you can check out his own list of cinematic creatures, ghouls and ghosts here.

Over at Goodwill Hunting 4 Geeks, Derek shares his own Top Ten, featuring an absolutely adorable version of Kang the Conqueror and a space-faring cat.

Mason, from D.I Treasures, tells us all about his favorite cereals to munch on while watching reruns of ReBoot and the Wild West C.O.W-Boys of Moo Mesa.

And for all the rest, be sure to check out Cool & Collected.

The League: Whaddaya Want?

Coming to you live from a new locale, I've returned to take part in the latest challenge from The League of Extraordinary Bloggers. This week's seems tailor-made for yours truly, someone who spends his time scouring thrift shops and flea markets to add more to The Trash Pile. 

This week’s assignment for the League of Extraordinary Bloggers is an idea submitted by Tommy over at Tophat Sasquatch… 

—

When you hit up the toy store, thrift store, flea market, or comic shop, what are some of the things you’re actively hunting?

—

My own personal brand of collecting is a little chaotic. I'm not someone who needs to complete a run of a comic series or picking up MOC action figures or graded collectibles. I rarely have an attack plan when I'm visiting my usual haunts. That's not to say that I don't keep my eyes peeled for specific pieces, because boy, there are some items that I'm dying to get my hands on.

Let's take a look at some of 'em.

This one is a little painful, because a younger Trash Man owned it and neglected it. Yeah, it's Fireball Island. Originally released in 1986 by Milton Bradley, it was billed as, "The dimensional adventure game of pitfalls and perils!"

I can't recall how many times [if any!] that I managed to actually play this beautiful, beautiful board-game and that may be something that I regret until the day I die. Complete versions of the game sell for nearly two-hundred bucks on Ebay, which is a little outside the price range I'm willing to pay for a nearly thirty year old game meant for ages 7 and up. Still, the games and puzzles section is the first I hit whenever I visit my local Savers in the hopes that I might someday stumble upon a copy.

Inhumanoids is probably one of the more underrated cartoons/toylines from the '80s. A team of scientists/adventurers in hi-tech mech suits do battle with a trio of monstrous beings from the center of the Earth. And, of course, they're occasionally assisted by several bizarre, elemental-based creatures known as the Mutores.

I never had any of the toys when I was a kid, but a few of my friends did. Only one was lucky enough to own any of the giant Inhumanoids monsters, the fiery Metlar. The worst of the three, sure, but still something I'd love to have. But if I could only have a single item from the line, it'd be Tendril. There's so much I adore about a towering plant beast that sorta' resembles a Lovecraftian Elder God.

Broken record is broken record, right? After I've sprinted over to the games and puzzles "department", intent on tearing an imaginary boxed Fireball Island from the clutches of an evil toy-scalper, my second destination at any thrift shop is the wall of VHS. Things get a little less specific there, as I browse shelves in search of any title that might capture my imagination. The same one that concocted scenarios involving mint-in-the-box vintage board games.

Naturally, I lean more towards cult/horror releases than anything else, but I'm also prone to old cartoons and wrestling tapes and a completely random selection of westerns, comedies and bad action flicks. Anything analog is gold as far as I'm concerned. Except for used copies of Speed. Please stop donating them to your local Salvation Army, people, because they just pile up forever and ever and no one will ever want them.


Meanwhile, with the rest of The League--

Over at The Garage Sale of Awesome, you can discover the pitfalls of trying to score old copies of PitFall!

The Goodwill Geek gives Skeletor a run for his money, because he too wants to unlock the secrets of Castle Greyskull.

Everything retro is gold for The Nerd Nook, especially anything Super Powers and Masters of the Universe.

The League: I'm Feeling Blue

There's not much to say about this week's challenge from The League of Extraordinary Bloggers. It's one of their photo-specific topics, so be prepared to be underwhelmed by what the lousy camera on my phone is capable of capturing. Am I ever blue?

From the mouths of babes or, at the very least, our babelicious leader--

It’s been a while since we’ve had a photo assignment for the weekly League of Extraordinary Blogger’s challenge. We’ve done green, and we’ve done red, so how about this time we do: 

— 

Blue.

—

From The Invaders #5, March 1975. Art by Rich Buckler and Dick Ayers.

From The Flash #278, October 1978. Art by Alex Savivk.

From Grimjack #28, November 1986. Art by Tom Sutton and Paul Guinan.

From The Secret Society of Super-Villains #15, June 1978. Art by Mike Vosburg and Bob Smith.

From The Death of Captain Marvel graphic novel, 1982. Art by Jim Starlin.


Meanwhile, with the rest of The League--

Neato Coolville's Collection of Blue.

Don't forget to color Stunt Zombies blue.

Boo Bobby talks blue, but I can't help but think of Boo Berry.

You'll never feel blue after a visit to the Happy Haunted Sunshine House.

The Goodwill Geek's blue makes me green with envy.

Miss M and Fifty Shades of Blue Hair.

See some of my all-time favorite movie posters [yes, Videodrome!] over at Vikki Verka.

And for all the rest, go check out Cool & Collected..!

The League: Hello, My Name Is....

I guess it's a good thing that I've "signed up" for a tour of duty with The League of Extraordinary Bloggers, because it gives me a challenge every week , a topic to tackle where I might usually slack off with the updates. It's not like I can discover Fruity Yummy Mummy cereal every week, right?

Of course, even that depends on whether or not I choose to skip a week. Like I did last time or how badly I really want to with this week's topic. Sometimes I just don't have anything worth saying, which is especially true this time around...


—

Hello, my name is… Tell us a little about yourself — even if we all know who you are, there are plenty of new folks wondering if you’re in fact a dog.

—

I almost wish that I were a dog, because I feel like then I would have something worth talking about. Although, even in canine-form, I doubt I'd be living a very interesting life. No solving mysteries or rescuing Timmies from wells or dog-fights with the Red Baron on Christmas Eve for this pup.

Eh, I've always been more of a cat-person anyway.

See, there you go. We're off to a fantastic start!

Fact Number One: Likes cats.

Fact Number Two: Is not a real vampire, but does dislike sunlight. Possibly part-Mogwai.

Fact Number Four: The Count can't count, but can make obscure Camper Van Beethoven references.

Fact Number Five: Gives awful advice.  Relationship to Wilson W. Wilson, Jr. unknown, but unlikely.

Fact Number Six: Occasionally fits into Boys' XXL tees, despite being way too old to be wearing them.

Fact Number Seven: Is not Zooey Deschanel. Cannot pull off those bangs. Sorry, New Girl, I tried.

Fact Number Eight: Suffers from Frankenstein's Monster forehead.

8.1: "I do know that for the sympathy of one living being, I would make peace with all. I have love in me the likes of which you can scarcely imagine and rage the likes of which you would not believe. If I cannot satisfy the one, I will indulge the other."

Fact Number Nine: Points an awful lot. Not sure why.

Fact Number Ten: Occasionally devours enemies and transforms them into eggs.

Fact Number Eleven: Rumored to be appearing in latest Super Smash Bros. game. No, wait, that's Mega Man. I'm nowhere near as cool as Mega Man, but may be a little taller.

Fact Number Twelve: One time I met Quentin Tarantino while working at a video-store and DID NOT RECOGNIZE HIM. Probably the most embarrassing moment in my life and that's including the time I burst into tears in front of the entire class in third grade because I couldn't draw the Abominable Snowman and my team lost a round of Win, Lose or Draw and it was all my fault.

Fact Number Thirteen: Traumatized by the death of Ramona's cat, Picky-Picky, in the pages of Ramona Forever, which was read aloud to my class in, uh, third grade. I guess 1990 was an emotional year for me?

Hello, my name is Brian and this was really dreadful, huh?

Meanwhile, with the rest of The League--

Oh Goodwill, you Devil...

Hey, just who is running The Monster Cafe..? Go find out!

Season's greetings and welcome, Cliff! The Holidaze joins up with the League and it is awesome.

Everything green is gold in our introduction to Geek Show Ink.

And all the rest, here at Cool & Collected. 

The League: Knock It Off..!

Straight from the mouth of our fearless leader, Mr. Cool & Collected, here's the latest topic we're gonna tackle-- 


This week’s assignment for the League of Extraordinary Bloggers was an idea sent in by Poe Ghostal. Poe originally wanted the topic to be “third party toys, yay or nay,” but I thought it would be fun to open it up even further, so here goes…

–

Bootlegs, knockoffs, and third-party products.

–

I had originally planned to follow in the footsteps of other League members and take a look at some trashy pieces of bootleg toys that clutter my collection. However, somewhere over the years, I'd traded away or sold most of my favorite Transformers and Gobots knock-offs. It didn't leave me with a whole lot to share with you. Actually, I managed to only have one piece left and then this guy went and stole my third-party thunder! The nerve!

The Goodwill Geek's favorite Space Defender, Garth Nadir, is nothing more than a glorified Robot Spacebot and I have the proof. In both of the two colors available!

Sigh.

So, now what is a poor Trash Man to do?

Yup, that's right. It's time to take a peek at some comics.

I could easily churn out a quick post by taking a look at all the rip-offs and cash-in duplicates of old favorites like Superman and Batman. Maybe a little history lesson on how, at one time, a cheap knock-off by the name of Captain Marvel [that's Shazam! for all you youngsters] was actually outselling the Man of Steel's books. It's been done before and by far better writers than myself. Plus, sometimes I like the B- and C-level imitations better than the originals.

Then I remembered a local comic convention I attended with an ex- a few years back. Digging through long-boxes of cheap back-issues for forgotten gold together, we found quite a few treasures that reminded us of a much more well-known property. A pop culture giant that spawned all sorts of imitations and pretenders.

The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

Again, I could share a long-winded, poorly-written history lesson with you about the creation of the title by Eastman and Laird and how it became an absolute juggernaut that would conquer the shelves of toy-stores, movie theaters and home television screens around the world. Instead, I'm just gonna pick a handful of small-press/independent titles from the mid-80s that attempted to recreate the magic and success of TMNT. Or at least poke fun at it.

First up is the original spoof of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and probably the most recognizable. Adolescent Radioactive Black Belt Hamsters was published by Eclipse Comics in 1986. Created by writer Don Chin and artist Parsonavich [seriously?], it followed the exploits of four normal hamsters who were shot into space by NASA in 1977. Their experimental rocket was doused in radioactive cosmic jello, which mutated them into human-sized creatures that crash-landed in Tibet. There, they mastered martial arts, attaining their black belts, and ventured out into the world to combat evil, like thugs and gangs and stuff.

The series ran for nine-issues and supposedly there was talk of a revival as recently as 2008.

Pre-Teen Dirty-Gene Kung-Fu Kangaroos is actually my favorite of the bunch. Lee Marrs handled both the writing and the art. And Blackthorne Publishing released it at the end of Summer 1986. Where the Turtles and Hamsters both told tales of humanoid-animals in a more real-world setting, the Kung-Fu Kangaroos' world was inhabited by nothing but animals. They were six "normal" kangaroo-students from Australia who were caught in an explosion at a bio-tech lab while on a tour and granted fantastic powers.

There's actually a very brief appearance by Donatello that Peter Laird himself illustrated in a single panel. Something the cover is all too eager to mention and who can blame them? This was just prior to the Turtles' exposure on TV and the release of their action figure line by Playmates.

Here's another book released by Blackthorne Publishing the very same month, Cold Blooded Chameleon Commandos. Billed as "Genetic Mutation at it's Finest", it's the adventures of four ordinary chameleons subjected to government experiments to create the ultimate fighting force. The cover reminds me a lot of the far superior satire, Dinosaurs For Hire, which actually wouldn't be published for another two years.

It's by far the worst I've seen of these knock-offs, with crude art and awful jokes. The only redeeming thing from the entire issue is a battle with a mantis-man adversary. That they then dispatch with a can of RAID in a predictable, cliched climax. Stupid.

I don't have much to say about Mildly Microwaved Pre-Pubscent Kung-Fu Gophers. It came out a month before the two previous entries, released by a company called Just Imagine Graphix, and was created by George Macas and Jim Molina. The heroes are four hamsters caught in the blast of a Microwave Bomb the government was testing, not entirely unlike a certain Rampaging Green Goliath, who cross paths with a camping kung-fu master named Kung. Naturally, he decides to take them under his wing and train them in the ancient arts of fighting.

Which they use to beat up some old ladies and get into a pie-fight. I take back what I said before about the Chameleons' title. This is the worst of the bunch.

The best lookin' of the books is easily The Bushido Blade of Zatoichi Walrus. I almost didn't want to include this one, because it really owes more to the epic film series, Zatoichi the Blind Swordsman and to Stan Sakai's brilliant comic creation, Usagi Yojimbo. This one was published by Solson Publications, written by John Holiwski and illustrated by Chuck Wojtkiewicz.

You might be asking why, prior to TMNT's toy-line and screen success, there would have already been so many imitations and I'm gonna leave the answer in the form of this panel from the original Turtles' knock-off, Adolescent Radioactive Black Belt Hamsters.

Which, sadly, I doubt any of these made. 

Meanwhile, with the rest of the League--

The man who stole my original idea for a post, and subjected you to all this nonsense, is none other than The Goodwill Geek. Be sure to thank him.

Miss M shares a sad story of having to resort to collecting Power Ranger bootlegs. Also, there's talk of Golden Girls, but no mention of Bea Arthur? Go cry foul.

Pop Rewind looks back at a lifetime of bootlegging VHS, so how could I resist?

I never had that Street Hawk G.I.Joe when I was collecting them, which I totally regret knowing I missed, so thanks to Rediscover the 80s for ruining my life.

And for all the rest, be sure to check out Cool & Collected..!

The League: Nightmares and Dreamscapes

Last week's topic for The League of Extraordinary Bloggers dealt with dreams and it shouldn't be too surprising that I decided to skip out on that one. Ever the defeatist, it's easier for me to focus on the opposite, which is why this week's is tailor-made for yours truly. In three simple words--

–

What a nightmare! 
–

I was easily frightened as a child, whether it was by horror films [or the commercials for them], spiders or the bad dreams that were constantly plaguing me. And there were plenty of those. Everything from Freddy Krueger to E.T to a twisted version of Sonny, the Cocoa Puff Bird haunted me, robbing me of peaceful slumber. There were the always terrifying nightmares within nightmares, where I would awaken from a bad dream, "safe" in the belief that I was back in my bed. Then something horrible would pop out from nowhere to devour my soul right before I would wake up for real. Yeah, I've got no shortage of things to talk about when it comes to nightmares.

But instead, I'm going to look at an old episode of G.I.Joe: A Real American Hero.

For the leader of a "ruthless terrorist organization", Cobra Commander came up with some absolutely ridiculous plans during his tenure. Menacing the world with robotic sea serpents and evil fun-houses doesn't seem like very effective ways of conquering it. So, after two mini-series and a full season of bumbling, he was replaced by Serpentor, who was meaner, tougher and carried the snake-motif further than any who came before him. However, like his predecessor, he also concocted his own share of stupid, stupid schemes.

Like commanding Cobra's resident dentist-turned-mad scientist, Dr. Mindbender, to build a machine that would allow them to control the G.I.Joe team's dreams for, uh, reasons.

It mostly translates to to an episode packed with various "nightmare" sequences that involve one of the Joes' greatest fears combined with a giant, fire-breathing king cobra. Viewers get the full picture for some, like General Hawk, who is terrified of making the wrong calls, the sort that lead to his entire team dying in battle. Of course, then he's also forced to bail from the flaming cockpit of his jet into the gaping maw of a monstrous snake.

There are others that we only get glimpses of, but they're still pretty great. Mainframe, one of the team's two tech experts, slowly transforms from man to machine. While Dial-Tone, the other, loses his ability to speak. Tamer, sure, but a no less horrible fate for someone who specializes in communication.

The star of the episode, though, and my entire reason for sharing it with you, is Low-Light.

It's his nightmare sequence that steals the show and left a lasting impression on me as a child. The expert marksman finds himself in a junkyard, surrounded by demonic-looking cars and haunted by the disembodied voice of his father berating him. Piecing it together from this scene, it appears that Low-Light was terrified of the dark as a young boy. Considered a wimp by his dad, he was apparently left alone in a salvage yard until he could provide his father with twenty rat corpses.

Yeah, no wonder it left such an impact.

A lifetime of traumatizing dreams is what eventually allows Low-Light to overcome his fears and save the "day". When Mindbender finally enters the Joes' dreams himself in a final bid to destroy them, it's Low-Light and a trio of rat-car hybrids that come screeching to the rescue. It all leads to a showdown between the floating, fiery head of Dr. Mindbender and a gigantic version of Low-Light, which ends with the latter throwing a block of ice and vanquishing the former.

I don't know if it's inspired or idiotic.

Idiotic.

Meanwhile, with the rest of The League--

Random Nerdness has a Top 5 list that includes A Nightmare on Elm Street 4, which has a salvage yard scene that's eerily reminiscent of Low-Light's dreams.

Another list from Goodwill Hunting 4 Geeks features some of my absolute favorite fright flicks and a personal nightmare I'm glad I'll never see.

Vikki Verka dreams she's a man and it just gets worse from there.

And for all the rest of The League's contributions, check out the comments here.

The League: Feels Like the First Time

It's time again for The Trash Man to dig up old memories and forgotten treasures in the name of The League of Extraordinary Bloggers. I've got a real challenge ahead of me, "hanging ten" on a wave of nostalgia that could threaten the entire Eastern seaboard, because this week's topic is--

Summer is a time of first loves and first-run movies, and sometimes those two things can be one and the same! This week’s assignment for the League of Extraordinary Bloggers…
–

It feels like the first time… Write about your first experience with something. 

–

Something could mean anything and I've experienced a lot of first times after three decades on this planet. There are favorites holidays and first loves and Sonic Youth concerts and traumatic viewings of Night of the Living Dead at age four that I could share with you, but it seems that I will once again slip into my comfort zone and talk comic books. Or more importantly, my first comic book.

And it just so happens to be the premiere issue of Eclipse Monthly, published August, 1983.

I was only a little less than two years old when this book was originally released and a copy of it wouldn't come into my possession until the summer of '88. Just prior to summer vacation, actually. My first grade teacher decided to treat her students to a parting gift during the last week of school. All the boys in the class received a random comic book [I honestly don't recall what the girls got] and I'm sure Mrs. Monahan didn't know what she was starting when she gave me this gorgeous, small-press anthology book.

Up until this point, I was only familiar with comic book heroes through other mediums, cartoons like Super-Friends, Spider-Man and his Amazing Friends and Defenders of the Earth, or live-action fare like The Incredible Hulk. We were still a year away from absolute "Bat-Mania" thanks to the theatrical release of Tim Burton's Batman and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles still hadn't made their true mark on the pop culture landscape. A six-year old Trash Man needed heroes and this single issue would provide several that he would never, ever forget.

 
Cap'n Quick and a Foozle was the first feature and naturally it appealed to me because the story's "hero" is a young boy who, while tinkering with electronics in his basement in an attempt to become a costumed adventurer, is transported into another dimension, full of menacing creatures, "Santa Claus" and a Foozle named Klonsbon. The story was written and illustrated by Marshall Rogers, best known for runs on both Detective Comics and Silver Surfer, and was a continuation of the Foozle's misadventures in the pages of the black-and-white Eclipse Magazine two years prior.

It also marked the first time in my young life that I would witness a bizarre, long-legged creature utter the word, damn, while chasing after our heroes. This single event would inspire me to become a foul-mouthed, track-star later on in life.

The second feature to grab my attention was The Masked Man, by B.C. Boyer. This was more a throw-back tale, paying homage to non-powered, masked crime-fighters like Will Eisner's The Spirit and The Green Hornet. Told from the point of views of a reporter, Barney McAllister, and a young boy named Delbert, it's a simple story about a bank robbery turned hostage situation and how The Masked Man appeared to save the day.

Oh, and Delbert's mom.

She's wounded during the ensuing battle and whisked away to safety by the costumed hero. It's actually a pretty wonderful moment in an otherwise serviceable but bland story, and it went right over my head at that age. I guess six-year olds are more interested in colorful costumes and biff-bam-pow hijinks.

Which leads perfectly into the book's final tale, Static, illustrated and written by the legendary Steve Ditko. I have mentioned him here a few times before and this also serves as my first time with his work, despite not knowing who he was at the time or what he was responsible for creating. Since then, I've become a huge fan of his [second only to "The King", Jack Kirby], admiring everything from his Dr. Strange stories in the pages of Strange Tales to Shade, the Changing Man to his run on Rom, Space Knight and the creation of Speedball.

Here, he creates another oddly-detailed and brightly colored superhuman, one who is granted special abilities after an experiment gone wrong. All thanks to a few meddling criminals who look like they stepped out of one of his Amazing Spider-Man panels from the '60s. Ditko's dialogue can be stiff at times and his characters extremely outdated, but it's his unique visions and iconic figures, not his ideologies that will always take center-stage.

Meanwhile, with the rest of the League--

G.I.Jigsaw visits his local comic shop, Friendly Frank's, and picks up far better books than my first.

I always knew The Goodwill Geek was a kindred spirit. I like trash and he digs Garbage [Pail Kids].

Over at Nerd Rage Against the Machine, Big J shares the many mishaps of owning his first car.

And Miss M reveals the mostly true origin of her obsession with a certain Princess of Power.