Mr. Clawful Goes to Best Buy

You may remember my affinity for the worst of the worst, bottom-of-the-barrel baddies. Well, sometimes it gets me into trouble.

Over the last several months, because of my admiration for scum and villainy, I've found a handful of henchmen, goons and ne'er-do-wells settling in for extended visits. Usually that just means fighting over the last pack of Cinnamon Brown Sugar Pop Tarts with Serpentor, but every now and then someone steps over the line. I'll catch some rogue snooping through my things, trying to take something that's mine.

Most recently, in fact, I caught a certain criminal crustacean rifling in my wallet. And look at what he managed to slip away with before I could stop him.

I'd managed to hold onto that Best Buy gift-card since Christmas, waiting to find just the right thing to purchase from their fine website. Clawful couldn't have cared less that I had been eying that Criteron release of Repo Man (1984) for months now. No, he just rushed right off to the nearest brick-and-mortar store and spent all twenty-five dollars on the type of trash that even I would have avoided.

Worst of all, he's forcing me to share all his ridiculous purchases with each and every one of you.

I am so very sorry.

Yes, I know exactly what you're thinking. I felt the exact same way, and I had the exact same thought; why would Clawful purchase candy from the last-remaining electronics retailer in the known multiverse?

Because Skeletor was right all these years. This lobster is the most bumbling of buffoons!

Credit where it's due, though. If he was gonna waste a couple bucks on Pez, he certainly picked the best one they had. Ignoring those little yellow bastards from the Despicable Me films and a horrid-looking Thor, Clawful wrapped his oversized pincher around Yoshi and refused to let go.

I had to question his logic in picking up a pack of Star Wars Galaxy Series 7 trading cards. At a whopping three-dollars for a measly seven cards, I just didn't understand the appeal. His only response was mostly incoherent babbling about how Darth Maul reminded him of his mother.

The crab's got issues.

Eventually, I was able to tear him away from the impulse items. It took a little nudging, but we finally headed over to Best Buy's mediocre selection of DVDs to pick out a few films to enjoy. It was more of a challenge finding movies that we both agreed on, however. He insisted on picking up a copy of Rodney Dangerfield's classic comedy, Back to School (1986), until I reminded him that we already have it on VHS.

Which lead to a lengthy debate on whether or not VHS is an obsolete media; the details of which I will thankfully spare you.

A compromise had to be made before he would settle on the first of our two titles.

I haven't seen Galaxy Quest (1999) since it was first released on video. Back during my days as a lowly clerk at my local mom n' pop rental store, Video Showplace. It's a film I've been wanting to revisit for quite some time now, especially since it seems to have developed a solid cult-following these last several years.

Clawful agreed to adding it to his basket, but only if he could have some friends over to watch it. I wasn't in a position to deny his request, especially when he mentioned my favorite Silverhawks' rogue, Buzz-Saw, would be attending.

I was less enthusiastic upon discovering that the X-Men's infamous foe, Apocalypse, would also be there. The guy's developed a total diva attitude since it was announced he was gonna be in the next installment of First Class.

For whatever reason, Clawful is a huge fan of James Bond, and we found ourselves once more at odds. I've never particularly cared for the exploits of 007, regardless of who is portraying him, and attempted to veto any selection featuring the famed secret-agent. And yet.

And yet somehow this monstrosity, a psychedelic "spoof" featuring Peter Sellers as Sir James Bond 007, managed to find its way home along with us. The only plus to this purchase was that it also caused dissension within the villainous ranks of Clawful's best buds.

Clawful's snack selection also managed to brew up some turmoil.

Apocalypse spotted those Flipz covered in Mutant Milk Chocolate and immediately claimed them as his own. Spouting off some nonsense about "survival of the fittest", he proclaimed that no filthy flatscans would touch his most prized of pretzels without incurring the wrath of En Sabah Nur.

Whoever the fuck that is.

Thankfully there was something for us mere mortals, though you might mistake it at first glimpse for something akin to ambrosia. I know nothing about Bigs brand sunflower-seeds, but I sure as fuck know a thing or two about Vlasic pickles. Combining my eighth or ninth favorite snack with Dill Pickles is a thing of absolute bliss and majesty.

Clawful did okay with this one.

And then, of course, his true colors shine through. Reminding us all that he is the most selfish shellfish this side of Eternia, the bastard refused to share any of his Layer Dip Tortilla Combos. Friend or foe, it didn't appear to matter as this third-rate goon managed to down the entire bag before anyone could protest.

I'm not entirely sure how he maintains the physique of Hercules or He-Man with his eating habits. I smell something most foul, and it isn't his buddy Stinkor hanging out in Snake Mountain. My best guess is some of Evil-Lyn's black magic is keeping him in tip-top shape. That stuff's worse than steroids, man.

Wait, is that Grand Moff Tarkin..?

I take back every awful thing I've ever said about that lobster-man. He is obviously doing everything right, and they should change his name to Clawesome.

Here's to you, Clawesome!

Be Kind, Please Rewind: The Day of the Doctor

Days go by without words. They become weeks and we're forced to admit that time is not all wibbly-wobbly, that is passes all too quickly and we are never ever ever going to get it back. Best to forget regrets and apologies and get right back into the things that make us happy. That make me happy.

Like VHS and Doctor Who.

Today marks the 50th anniversary of the good Doctor; his very first adventure aired November 23rd, 1963 on the BBC. It's not something I would have imagined myself celebrating a few years back, since I only became infatuated with the madman and his box a little over a year ago. It started with a friend of mine mentioning that he caught a couple episodes and that maybe I would enjoy it. Maybe I would! I did have, after all, an odd history with the Doctor.

It started with a stack of novels purchased for mere pennies each at a bookstore that was going out of business near my college. A couple dozen of his adventures sitting on a shelf, looking all too tempting bunched together like that and especially for so cheap. Plus, I was familiar enough with Doctor Who thanks to occasional appearances during the "classic" Sci-Fi Channel years. Not that I ever watched the program, mind you, but through commercials and promos like this one.

So, sometime last year I introduced myself to the current incarnation of the Doctor. I watched Matt Smith's first episode, "The Eleventh Hour", and enjoyed it and continued from there. After a couple months, I'd gone back and devoured every episode and special from the 2005 relaunch and on until the current series. I adored every adventure through time and space, every encounter with the Daleks and the Weeping Angels and even the Autons. Like my love of comic books, though, it was the continuity, the history, that I loved most.

Except I didn't know much of the history, did I? The Doctor had nearly forty-years worth of traveling and saving all of reality that I'd missed completely. Eight different actors portraying "The Oncoming Storm" that I knew little to nothing about. It was something that needed to be rectified and there was no better way to catch up on the Doctor's earlier misadventures than to watch them using an outdated media.

The wheezing of the TARDIS could only sound so good when it's coming from the faint hum of magnetic tape.

Tom Baker, who portrayed the Fourth Doctor, was the obvious place to start. With his ridiculous scarf and robotic dog, K-9, and the most beloved companion, Sarah Jane, by his side. He is arguably the most famous and recognized of all the Doctors, especially to older fans of the franchise. I picked up a copy of Pyramids of Mars from a third-party seller on Amazon, my very first Who VHS, and absolutely loved it. Even with its outdated special effects and questionable "acting", I was blown away by the idea of the Doctor battling an ancient, Egyptian space-god and his mechanical mummies. Super trippy in the best possible way.

Some more Fourth Doctor, including confrontations with the infamous Cybermen and the much more obscure Sisterhood of Karn. The middle tape is The Five Doctors, a special that celebrated the program's 20th anniversary by uniting the [then] current Doctor, Peter Davison, with all four of his previous regenerations. I've yet to watch it, but it's jumped to the top of my watch-list after spending so much of the last week engrossing myself in everything Whovian.

Castrovala is actually the first full serial that featured Davison as the Fifth Doctor and he's off to a bumpy start; forced to confront his ancient foe, The Master, on his premiere adventure. It's actually a sorta' sequel to The Keeper of Traken, which reintroduced The Master after a five-year absence from the Doctor's many, many lives.

Ah, the last two in my little collection are the oddities in Whovian lore. Amicus Productions, a British film company, is well-known for the numerous horror anthologies it's produced over the years. During the mid-60s, only a few years after the Dr. Who program originally aired, they were responsible for filming and releasing two feature-length pictures in full-color. Peter Cushing, who we all remember fondly as Van Helsing and Grand Moff Tarkin, was tasked with playing the part of "Doctor Who", a human who invented a time-machine and found himself drawn into conflict with the murderous Daleks. 

Dr. Who and the Daleks (1965) was followed by Daleks -- Invasion Earth: 2150 A.D (1966), and both were loosely based on earlier serials from the television program. While the Daleks remained mostly faithful to their TV counterparts, Cushing's "Doctor" was a simplified version; a mere human inventor who traveled along with his granddaughters, Susan and Barbara, to a planet ravaged by nuclear war. Not a far cry from the true Doctor, an alien Time Lord from the planet Gallifrey, but enough so that the Amicus films are largely forgotten or ignored by most Whovians.

The League: Shopping Spree at Hake's Americana and Collectibles

I took a few weeks off from The League of Extraordinary Bloggers to sorta' focus on other posts and projects, but I'm back to partake in one of the group's more popular topics--

Go on a fictional shopping spree at Hake’s current auction #209 to make your collection a little more amazing.

This blog didn't exist the first time the League took a crack at this topic, so I'm glad it's back, allowing me the opportunity to peruse the site's current auction and pick out some favorites. It was a little disheartening at first glance, because while there is an absolutely overwhelming amount of incredible items, there wasn't much that appealed to me as a collector. Most of the items up for bid are from before I was born, and where I'm not against collecting stuff that's older than I am [especially comic books], my main areas of interest didn't seem to be covered.

So, I was originally content to sit out another week with the League, checking out all the other member's blogs and admiring their picks. And then I saw this--

Vincent, over at The Robot's Pajamas, picked out this particular item and I had to do the same. It's original art for the Gobots: War of the Gobots Golden Book done by Steve Ditko. This immediately jumped out at me for a number of reasons.

There's my love and admiration for the works of Ditko, easily one of my favorite talents in the entire history of the comic industry. I've mentioned his character, The Creeper, before, but never fully expressed how important the man's work has been in my life. My very first comic [Eclipse Comics Monthly #1] featured one of his stories, a quick tale starring a bizarre hero by the name of Static. Without even realizing it at a young age, I was constantly finding myself drawn to his numerous contributions to both Marvel and DC, as well as titles and characters from smaller companies.

And this particular Golden Book Super Adventure.

Yeah, that's right, I actually owned a copy of the book this art is featured in when I was a kid. It was lost sometime over the years, its fate unknown, which is unfortunate, because I wasn't aware that Steve Ditko was responsible for the art until seeing this auction. Even to this day, I'm still kinda' partial to all things Gobots, and combining them with a true legend of the comic industry like Ditko is too damn sweet to pass up.

Another piece of my childhood that I would love to own. Here's a framed, original poster for the "classic", 1961-release, Gorgo. This is one of the movies that I used to rent constantly on VHS when I was a kid [along with Godzilla 1985 and Dinosaurus!] from our local, mom 'n pop video store. It's a British made knock-off of Toho's Godzilla and a pretty fucking fun one at that.

Plus, there's an interesting connection to my previous pick. Steve Ditko illustrated 23-issues of a Gorgo comic book for Charlton Comics from 1961 to 1965.

This is another find that I saw on a few other members' posts which I likewise couldn't resist. It really shouldn't be too surprising that it would jump out at so many of us, right? My very first topic with the League briefly touched upon my shaky relationship with all things Star Wars, but nothing has ever diminished the flame within me that burns for Burger King. I am practically charbroiled infatuated with the fast-food franchise.

Oh, and Peter Cushing.

I was first exposed to the man's career thanks to his portrayal of Grand Moff Tarkin, so it would be nice to commemorate that with a poorly rendered image of his face on a Coca-Cola collectible glass. I only want to pay 59-cents for it, though.

Hello there, Funky Phantom watch, you beautiful thing. While the short-lived cartoon featuring a Revolutionary War-era ghost and a gang of teens aired a decade before I was born, I was able to discover it thanks to the early days of Cartoon Network. A time when the station was showing dozens of fantastic Hanna-Barbera programs like this, Jabberjaw, The Amazing Chan and the Chan Clan, and Scooby's All-Star Laff-a-Lympics. I was smitten with so many of those cartoons, but finding any sort of related memorabilia was difficult. Sure, I could find Scooby-related merch easily enough, but this is the kind of thing I would have loved owning when I was younger.

Does it also come in Grape Ape?

Speaking of apes.

I have no idea what "Mech-Gorilla" is, except for something that I need to own right now, please. According to the auction, it is a 5.25" tall die-cast gorilla Arkron Space Robot by Ark Co. Ltd. of Tokyo, Japan. It also apparently shoots knives from its chest and is interchangeable to form my own space robots. You might be asking what it is interchangeable with and god, the answer is incredible and such a goddamn tease.

The back of the box shows several other robotic creatures, all with pieces that you can remove and add to any of the others. The limbs and weapons can be intermixed between each of the six monsters shown. And these aren't just any generic, robotic beasts. Even with my limited knowledge of tokusatsu programs, I recognize a few of the featured robots as enemies of the heroic Ultraman.

Which is where the tease comes in. As cool as it would be to own "Mech-Gorilla" and pretend that he's Mechani-Kong from the brilliant, Toho-released King Kong Escapes, nothing is going to top owning a robot-version of Baltan or Red King.

Meanwhile, with the rest of the League--

A big thanks to The Robot's Pajamas for inspiring me to post by featuring so many great finds.

Shezcrafti found a lot of great '80s goodness, from Pee-Wee to Betty White.

AEIOU and Sometimes Why... wants to score with Space Invaders, which sounds a little risque to me.

Over at Branded in the 80s, we discover there's a "chicken-walker"-shaped hole in Shawn's heart.

And welcome to G.I.Jigsaw, who tackles their first League-topic and features some amazing, vintage finds.