Book Clubs Are Junk: Golden Daze

I buy way more books than I read. So much literature, in fact, I doubt that I'll ever get around to finishing most of them. It's the same sort of borderline-hoarder behavior that I exhibit when it comes to VHS; stockpiling titles for rainy days that never seem to come. Eventually, though. Someday, I'll continue to tell myself, even though I know the sad truth that those days will never come. Those pages will remain untouched, unread, left to yellow and wither to dust. Everything is dust.

Normally, when it comes to books, I tend to gravitate towards movie novelizations, sci-fi and fantasy, pulp trash and early cyberpunk. The type of stuff I feel I should have been reading when I was a teenager, back when I used to devour title after title, preferring the company of a good read over my high-school peers. It's rare that I break my normal thrift-habits, never venturing into departments or browsing shelves outside my comfort-zones.

But then, sometimes, I see the type of stuff that my blogging peers are scoring out in the wild. My insane jealousy at their discoveries forcing me to seek fantastic nuggets of nostalgia in all the wrong places.

Like the kids' book section.

It's a terrifying proposition; rifling through shelves of children's titles is risky business. The potential danger of discovering a decade-old picture book that's somehow still sticky with bits of food or snot or I don't even wanna contemplate the other options. Or there could be an exciting find ruined by a torn cover or crayon doodles littering every page.

Why even bother..?

Well, I bothered because sometimes there's gold lurking in them thar hills.

More specifically, Golden Look-Look Books.

These, like their Little Golden Book brethren, were an absolute staple of my childhood. Often featuring characters from films and television programs, they were "designed to appeal to the ever-widening interests of children three to eight years old". They also appeal to a thirty-something year old with a penchant for collecting absolute junk.

Let's see what I found.

Hey, it's future stars of the silver-screen, Jem and the Holograms.

I stumbled upon these about midway though my salvage mission and immediately knew there was no way I was leaving them behind. I never had much of a fondness for Jem and her fellow band-mates, but I'm always a sucker for anything '80s "retro". Plus, I know a couple folks who will definitely appreciate these more than I ever could, so this pair of pop-heavy adventures will find themselves on the move sooner rather than later.

I actually owned The Great Mouse Detective years back, despite never actually sitting down and watching the film it's based off of. My inner Vincent Price fan-boy has been berating me over that fact for years now, but I doubt it's an omission that I'll ever rectify. I'll just have to settle for occasionally flipping through this book for the rest of my life. I only hope that Vincent's ghost can forgive me.

Oliver & Company (1988) is another animated flick I somehow avoided during the heydays of VHS. There's snippets of plot that somehow burned into my brain; and I know that Cheech Marin supplied the voice of the chihuahua, but that could just be my affinity for stereotyping. I mean, if the movie had been released two decades later, I'm sure they would have cast George Lopez or something.

Oh, wait.

Sorry, Beverly Hills Chihuahua (2008).

The real star of this show is easily The Penguin's Plot, which is mostly based on the brilliant Bat-sequel from 1992, Batman Returns. Retroactively removing Catwoman and Max Shreck from the story doesn't seem to negatively impact the dramatic elements of this tale, and it's possible Tim Burton could have learned something from that fact.

The lesson is less Christopher Walken and more Vincent Schiavelli, less Pfeiffer and more Ice Princess.

We're actually moving away from the Golden Look-Look titles and into new territory, even though the faces may seem awfully familiar. I can't say I cared much for Heathcliff and his junkyard-dwelling, feline-friends, but his cartoon series definitely had one of my all-time favorite theme-songs. I also appreciate how Marvel Books didn't appear too concerned that they were publishing a knock-off of the Golden titles, since this is billed as being "A Big Looker Storybook". Ballsy move, guys.

I adored anything Muppets back in 1985, and the Fraggles were far from an exception. And even though I probably would have preferred the stories that revolved around Sprocket or The Doozer Who Didn't, I'm very okay with Red Fraggle and her adventures in The Cave of the Lost Fraggle.

Still, it would have been nice to see an appearance from Marjory the Trash Heap.

Last and possibly least is a Disneyland Record and Book of The Grasshopper and the Ants. I am way too familiar with this fable thanks to grade-school and old storybook collections and, naturally, the Disney Silly Symphonies short from the mid-'30s that this is based on. Digging through stacks of other children's titles, this one jumped out at me because it also included the original 33-record with it. I can't find any trademark dates anywhere on the book or the record, but a quick search seems to indicate that this particular release is from sometime in the '70s.

I'm not sure how I find myself feeling nostalgic for items that are older than I am, but here we are.

There we go.

To dust.

Everything is dust.

Farewell and Adieu, Building 19

The post five months in the making.

No, it's actually the post a year in the making.

Yeah, it's officially been one year since I first bored you to tears with my tales of trash. A whole twelve months of poorly constructed sentences, drag anecdotes and awful photographs of junk that only I could care about. We can only hope that the next year [and all the years that follow!] brings more highlights from my personal trash collection and so much more of my trademark self-deprecation.

Speaking of the trash collection, some of you might remember that the blog started with a single post that took a good look at the handful of goodies I was able to pick-up at my beloved Building 19. It would have been nice to celebrate the blog's first full year by returning to the place of its birth and partying down like Adam Scott and Lizzy Caplan.

It would have been nice.

Unfortunately, Building 19 closed its doors for the last time back in December.

I know that for most people, this was not exactly upsetting news. There aren't many who gravitate to businesses like Building 19; liquidation outlets filled to the brim with long-outdated wares. The type of stuff that sat on shelves for months and years for a reason. But it's the bizarre and often surprising treasures that I frequently found lurking within that drew me back time and again during my lifetime.

Plus, it's the place that I, as a budding comic-book collector, was able to dig through dozens of long-boxes of books priced at a mere eight-cents apiece. They'd purchased the entire inventory of a comic shop that had closed due to the market crash during the mid-'90s, and so I was able to go home with a couple stacks of vintage comics for a few measly bucks. I owe my lifelong love of titles like Avengers Spotlight and Infinity Inc. to that one single back-issue buying spree.

Building 19 meant something to me, I guess.

Which is precisely why, only a week before its last day, I made a voyage to mecca. All for a chance to score big one final time. To share with you the type of stuff that will now be just a little more difficult to find out in the wild. It's the exact sort of trash that spawned this blogging monstrosity, and I'm glad to be able to take the time to pay tribute to the place where it all started.

My childhood was planted firmly in the '80s; double-digit ages hit pretty quickly when the next decade rolled around, but that didn't stop me from indulging in kid-oriented franchises even when I was well past the target audience's age-group. It shouldn't be too surprising that I was keen, even well into my teens, on animated programs like Double Dragon and CatDog.

The former should look pretty familiar to long-time readers, 'cause yes, that's another pack of Double Dragon pogs. Not entirely unlike the pack I bought and blogged about last year. And the latter, which is new to me, shouldn't be too surprising a purchase either. My love for decades-old party supplies is well-documented.

These paper plates, featuring the Biker Mice From Mars, certainly fall into the same category. I picked up two packs of them this time around, but it's far from the first time they've found their way into my collection. I probably have close to a dozen of these sitting in a box, waiting for me to throw the absolute greatest party ever. Maybe for next year's celebration.

Here's some random books?

Alien Encounters was published in the early '90s, and reminded me way too much of my brief obsession with Robert Stack and Unsolved Mysteries. The program terrified me whenever it moved into extraterrestrial territory or ghost stories, but that didn't stop me from constantly tuning in or wanting to be a paranormal investigator as a pre-teen.

Disney's Mighty Ducks was a cartoon series that deviated like crazy from the feature-film series that it owes its existence to. Instead of featuring Emilio Estevez and a hockey team consisting of scrappy, under-privileged youths and Pacey from Dawson's Creek, the animated series centered around the exploits of a group of anthropomorphic ducks from outer-space who, uh, also play hockey for some reason. The book also features a dragon!

Watch out, Chris Evans! The identity of the true Winter Soldier has been revealed, and it's Captain Canuck!

This coloring [not colouring, you weird Canadians!] and activity book features the premiere comic-book hero from The Great White North. I vaguely recall seeing random issues of his title as a kid, but I can't say I ever read about his exploits in the far-future of 1993. I imagine he protected the world from evil Americans who prefer their own beer to that of their northern neighbors. Like that cold-hearted bastard John Candy in Canadian Bacon (1995).

Man, I really splurged on terrible books, didn't I?

This is the novelization of The Reunion, a film produced and released by WWE Studios in 2011. Naturally, it stars the biggest name in all of professional wrestling, John Cena, who is joined by Ethan Embry wearing a fedora. I like to imagine the two of them teaming-up to dominate the tag-team division, and then going home and watching all thirteen episodes of Freakylinks while spooning on the couch.

Which is probably-definitely a million times better than the actual plot of the film.

I'm only now kicking myself for waiting so long to write about the wonderful and horrible discoveries made during my last trip to Shangri-La. While I was sitting around watching reruns of Night Court, some guy named Derek decided to rise from the ashes like a phoenix, and start posting again on his old blog, Goodwill Hunting 4 Geeks. And, of course, the jerk decided to buy his own copy of Milk Mustache Mania and feature it in his latest post.

I can't compete with his blogging abilities, so NEVERMIND INTERNET PRETEND I SAID SOMETHING AWESOME AND CLEVER ABOUT THIS.

These were the final four copies of the Dick Tracy novelization that they had left on the shelf. It's pretty upsetting, because I had planned to grow old, visiting the store every year for the sole purpose of buying a copy. Now that dream is over and the insect is awake.

The insect's name is Pruneface, I think.

There was no way that I was gonna leave Building 19 this final time without a VHS in my pile of purchases. It was absolute slim pickings, though; a far cry from just a few years back, when I would have had dozens of titles to choose from. Still, I didn't do too bad. Alien Empire was a short-lived BBC documentary series from 1995 that took a look at the world of insects that weren't named after bad-guys from Dick Tracy.

I was huge into Sailor Moon when it first started airing in syndication here in the States. The years prior were spent trying to absorb as much anime as possible, which was a pretty difficult task in the days before streaming media and immediate internet access. So, when DiC Entertainment brought the program to American audiences, I immediately fell for it. Back then, I was known to buy anything related to Sailor Moon that I could find. That's not quite the case these days, but I still like to occasionally show some love to a program that was near and dear to a newly teenaged Trash Man.

The grand total for everything I grabbed that day came to a whopping three-dollars and thirteen cents. It's the exact type of thrifty shopping "adventure" that I'm going to find happening less, now that I've lost one of my favorite destinations.

So, here's to you, Building 19. Thank you for decades of "Good Stuff Cheap".

Sob.

We're gonna need a bigger box of tissues.

Playing With Pizza, Fighting With Food

If we're breaking radio silence after three-plus weeks, you gotta imagine it's for the most important of reasons. An explanation of where I've been hiding away all this time! The reasons why there hasn't been any of the weekly Bogdanovich Challenge updates in over a month! Something! Anything worth the time it took to finish this paragraph!

Nah, bro.

I'm here to talk toys. The trashiest toys from my youth. The totally bizarre, bottom-of-the-barrel junk that could only appeal to the weirdest kids on the block. In a decade filled with plastic army ants, half-naked barbarian princes and transforming boom-boxes, these were the absolute strangest action figures you'd find hanging on the pegs. Or cluttering up the bargain bins.

That's right, guys and dolls, it's the Food Fighters.

Released by Mattel, this toy-line featured several anthropomorphic food-items with military skills that would send John Rambo running for the hamburger hills. The two warring factions, the heroic Kitchen Commandos and their villainous rivals, The Refrigerator Rejects, battled for dominance in kitchens across the globe during the late '80s. However, without the benefit of an accompanying cartoon or comic book, the line was shelved after only a single wave of figures [and a couple vehicles] were produced.

This is another fine example of brilliantly bizarre toys that I never owned, but so desperately longed for, as a kid. Instead, I was reduced to drooling, green-with-envy, over the handful of Food Fighters that the brothers across the street from me owned. It's a recurring thing from my youth; envious of the silly, stupid stuff that other kids in the neighborhood had.

So, when I noticed that Nerd Rage Toys had listed quite a few of these deadly and delicious soldiers-of-misfortune on the cheap, well, I couldn't resist pulling the trigger.

They weren't alone, however. I also managed to score a nearly-complete Pizza Face from the original Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles series. He's one of the few villains that I never originally owned, so I'm pretty psyched to add him to my budding TMNT-collection.

And, bonus points, he actually fits in quite nicely with the Food Fighters, too.

Watch out, Private Pizza..!!

Busy Getting Brain Like Krang

It might have been mentioned before that one of my collecting goals lately has been rebuilding my long-lost Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles collection. The one I sold a few years back for mere pennies and nickels and a whole lot of heartbreak. Of course, I've been taking it easy; mostly scoring big at the thrift shop with grab-bags and occasionally purchasing some deals from sites like Nerd Rage Toys. Oh, and eBay.

Unfortunately, eBay isn't quite the place it used to be. Years back, when I was originally trying to live nostalgically by buying back my childhood, I'd find larger lots of loose figures for reasonable prices. These days, well, not so much. That doesn't stop me from wasting hours on scouring the site, though, in a mad, desperate search for the best possible purchases.

And, every now and then, I stumble across an oddity that I have to have. That I can't possibly pass on.

Like this fella here.

Yeah, he may sorta' resemble the vile Warlord from Dimension X that you remember from your youth, but this isn't the Krang that you and I grew up with. This predominantly purple-and-pink piece of plastic is the best kind of bootleg. Supposedly, according to the seller who listed it, this lovely knock-off was originally produced in Mexico. Wherever this brainy beauty hails from, it was clearly a labor of love and not just an attempt to make a quick buck by copying a "classic" TMNT action-figure. Or, actually, that may be exactly what it was. A poorly-made cash grab.

Well, I still love him.

Similar to the original Playmates' toy, this version features a fully-articulated robotic "walker" body. Both the arms and legs can move, although they are limited in range. And the protective, plastic bubble can be removed in order to unleash Krang on his unsuspecting foes, be they turtle or otherwise.

Unlike the real-deal, however, Krang himself doesn't feature any articulation. The toy from '89 featured the ability to rotate his tentacle "arms", which this one does not, though he is still able to wield his Brain-Drain Gun.

Overall, he's not a bad little addition to my burgeoning TMNT collection, but I still need to add an actual, Playmates-produced version of my favorite bad-brain. Someday, I suppose.

It's good to dream big.

Trash Culture Tribute: The Ultimate Warrior

You didn't have to grow up a devout follower of the WWF or professional wrestling in general to have heard about The Ultimate Warrior. One of the top talents in the industry during those peak years of the late '80s and early '90s, the man formerly known as James Hellwig was known more for his intense and bizarre behavior than any in-ring abilities. He was a larger-than-life personality that captivated fans, and nearly dwarfed the superstar status of his legendary peer, Hulk Hogan.

He died yesterday at the age of 54.

Despite some severely controversial [and quite possibly deranged] statements in the years following his retirement from the ring, I've chosen to celebrate the life and the career of one of my childhood heroes. From a time when I only knew him as the single most electric and ferocious wrestler of all-time. Whether it was watching him feud with the likes of "Ravishing" Rick Rude and Andre the Giant. Going over to my aunt and uncle's house to watch WrestleMania VI, where he would defeat Hogan for the WWF World Heavyweight Championship. Or the one time I was able to see him in person, a show at the Boston Garden circa '91, where he battled against a then-heel Sgt. Slaughter in a steel-cage match.

I owned the "classic" Hasbro action figure of Warrior, along with trading cards and WWF magazines that featured him, and a t-shirt that I wore to the point of disintegration. I can't claim that I ever painted my face in his likeness, but I certainly tried to live those pre-teen years with the same wild energy that he displayed week after week on my television screen.

It was announced a short while ago that Warrior, no longer legally known as anything but, had made amends with Vince McMahon and others within the WWF/WWE. He appeared in a commercial for their latest video game, and he was the first announced for the WWE Hall of Fame's "Class of 2014".

Knowing that The Ultimate Warrior was coming back, it seemed like the perfect time for me to go digging through the quarter-bins at my local comic shop in search of the short-lived, self-published comic book that Warrior wrote back in the mid-'90s. I remember a friend buying a copy off the racks when it was first released, which I casually flipped through at the time, but nothing about it really stayed fresh in my mind. Thankfully, I guess, I was able to locate a copy of issue number one in those neglected long-boxes at the back of my shop. The idea was to include it in a new feature I was looking to cook up for the blog, but hadn't yet gotten around to. So, I filed it away with a few dozen other books for a later date.

The WWE Hall of Fame induction was this past Saturday, the day before WrestleMania XXX. I didn't watch the event, mostly because I haven't been keeping up with professional wrestling this last decade plus, except for a best-friend who still watches religiously and can't help but gush about the latest news. Likewise, I missed Warrior's appearance on Monday Night Raw two days ago; his first time on the program since 1996.

Sadly, it would also be his last appearance on Raw.
 

I had originally intended to poke fun at the Warrior comic, due to the tragically-dated, super-exaggerated '90s art. Its confusing and strange philosophies concerning destrucity and the "Terrain of Testament" that Warrior includes in the introduction and the narrative of the story. How it's difficult to follow, all this muddled and vague nonsense about BELIEFS and the "Spirit of the Warrior", and I realize now that Warrior or James Hellwig or however he chose to identify himself through the years, that he believed in something. That he believed in himself and in those around him, and that he built a family and worked these last few years to make amends with those he felt he had wronged. Despite what seemed like decades of inane and weird ramblings, strong and polarizing opinions, he was a man who lived his life with a raw and ferocious tenacity that I find myself envying.

He spoke often of immortality, up to and including his appearance on the latest episode of Monday Night Raw. I wanna include a little excerpt from that last promo he gave, because it really and truly feels like he knew that it was his final time in the spotlight.

Every man's heart one day beats its final beat. His lungs breathe a final breath. And if what that man did in his life makes the blood pulse through the body of others, and makes them bleed deeper, and something larger than life, then his essence, his spirit, will be immortalized. By the storytellers, by the loyalty, by the memory of those who honor him and make the running the man did live forever.

Here's to you, Warrior.

Thank you so very much for being such a huge part of my childhood.

Trash Talking With Geek Fallout

Big news for and from yours trashly...

I podcast now, I guess?

Yeah, you can head over to Geek Fallout right now and give the latest episode [#51] a listen, and you'll totally hear me overuse the word "like" way too much and speak fondly about the Phantasm series and Krang, the Evil Warlord of Dimension X. The best part is that I'm not alone in this new endeavor. Miss M joins me as we suit up to become the latest co-hosts for the weekly program, along with pod-caster extraordinaire [and fellow League-member!] ChrisLoc from Random Nerdness. Seriously, the guy runs like eighteen different podcasts and is super-nice. I'm not sure how he does it. 

Geek Fallout co-founder, Rich, appears in the "fourth chair" as we discuss the latest news in the worlds of film, television, comics and technology. And to wrap things up, we each share our Top 5 Villains from '80s Cartoons lists, which are sure to thrill TransFans and Bronies alike.

Please go check it out [if you don't already], and feel free to leave comments/concerns/insults here to like, break my spirits and spare us all another episode of my crazy ramblings and tired lisping.

And don't worry, all. Even though I'm now a world-famous internet personality, I would never abandon you. I'll be back soon-ish with loads of VHS and my in-depth thoughts on Season 4 of Night Court.

Welcome to the Wasteland.

The Bogdanovich Challenge: Week Twelve

THE FILM:

Heaven Can Wait, released August 11, 1943.

Directed by Ernst Lubitsch.

Starring Gene Tierney, Don Ameche and Charles Coburn.


PETER BOGDANOVICH SAYS:

"One of the master's most wonderful and representative films, one that should be seen by anybody who craves real quality or needs to be convinced that there has been a general dumbing down of our popular entertainment, is Lubitsch's penultimate film. Appropriately, the 1943 Techniolor production HEAVEN CAN WAIT is a look at the inevitability of death and a meditation on the rewards and punishments of the afterlife, all part of a funny and profoundly human chronicle of an unimportant man's life."

THE TRASH MAN SAYS:

A wonderful, charming and poignant look at growing old and mortality.


Henry van Cleeve (Don Ameche) finds himself at the Gates of Hell, face-to-face with His Excellency, arguing not why he should be spared an eternity of brimstone and hellfire, but instead why he should be admitted. The only way he knows how is to tell the tale of his life; which he begins as a spoiled, pampered child of privilege; bribing young girls with beetles and sipping champagne with his family's French-maid. Oh, and at twenty-six, he steals away his cousin's fiance, Martha (Gene Tierney), running off to elope on the very same day they met.

Love, in the truest sense of the word, manages to change Henry from a womanizing cad to a loyal husband and father. But there's still a lingering presence of his former silver-tongued self, which begins to emerge more and more as his hair begins to grey and his tummy begins to grow. Despite the occasional missteps, however, Martha stands by her husband's side.

Until the day she dies.

Leaving poor Henry alone with his son, Jack, and eventually his son's wife. Nearly two decades pass by in a flash, giving us only a few glimpses into the loneliness and pathos of a man who has always had a difficult time with growing older and his eventual demise. Perhaps it's because he feels like he deserves an eternity in Hell, away from the people who he loved and who loved him in return. A vague guilt for past indiscretions that he'd already been forgiven for.

Or it could be that Henry simply loved life too much to want to slow down, to watch years waste away to nothing in silence. It certainly explains why, on his death-bed, he still dreamed of young, beautiful blonde girls and a river of whiskey and turning away Death for appearing in a canoe and not a luxury cruise-liner.